So lately I've been thinking about appearances. On wednesday I had my hair cut off and lets not beat around the bush - I look fucking cute. I loved how I looked before and I love it now but my main hang up has been I really really would like other people to think I'm hot.
Its something I've always thought strange that no matter how content I am with how I look and how I think I look, I've always liked compliments. Other people thinking I look nice is a thing I like.
I don't think its just me. We post pictures of ourselves all over the internet everyday. It probably averages out as more than that, I mean there are days where I post 2 or 3 selfies on Instagram alone. We are bombarding people with pictures of ourselves and it can't just be because we want to or that satisfies us or there would be a pre-computer equivalent. Nobody took pictures of themselves and just posted them to everyone they knew, no one sane anyway. This is purely post-2011 phenomena and it is without a doubt my favourite and most hated thing. I think in the back of my mind I want every picture of myself to be followed by compliments. I want people to tell me I'm pretty.
I really like people telling me I'm pretty.
I think compliments have become this thing that we instantly disagree with to the point that we don't even absorb them anymore. Someone calls us pretty, or handsome (boys are kind of worse than girls in this aspect), and we instantly give them a reason that they are wrong. If I tell a friend that they look nice or that they look different, I don't want them to disagree - just fucking take it. I especially dislike this reaction because its in me, in my head, everywhere. I was called sexy this week by a legitimate source and although I enjoyed the compliment, my brain still refuted it. I didn't say anything out loud but there was a small vice (and everyone knows they're fucking bitches, those small voices) that told me he was lying.
Can't we just be complimented? Accept that other people may think something positive about our appearance or our personality? We are lovely human beings; beautiful, effervescent and exciting people that other people love and enjoy on a daily basis. People love us. We are cherished by those around us as part of their lives and we shouldn't dismiss or belittle that adoration or acceptance by disagreeing or doubting their brilliant and worshipping friendship. We all love our friends and family so dear, see their beauty and fantastic minds like they are. We see each other so clearly but are forced by our own nature and the nurture that we've forced upon ourself to have such a cloudy vision of ourselves.
My friend Diasy once had a driving instructor who told her to name three things she loved about herself. I found this easy to do, I could find three things I love about Daisy. I could find 3 things I love about me. But I don't think I cold even fathom 3 things that anyone else could appreciate about me.
Which is fucking terrifying.
NB. Jeans & Jumper, French Connection. Shirt, ASOS.